I’ve noticed you’re the first to speak up when I ask a question in our training sessions,” I observed.
“I’m trying to get things started,” explained Dean in our executive coaching session. Dean is Chairman of the Board and takes part of the leadership development training we’re doing for the organization. Dean said, “If people are going to attend the meetings, they should speak up.”
Amy: “You’re right; their engagement is important. What prompts you to think you need to speak first and get things started?”
Dean: “After you ask a question, the silence is awkward.”
Amy: “It is awkward. May I share why that is?
Dean: “Sure.”
Amy: “In the U.S. we can handle only about 4 seconds of silence before someone feels the need to fill the gap. So, I’m wondering what if you allowed someone else to fill the silence? It could be interesting to hear their ideas.”
Dean: “It could be. But what if minutes go by and no one says anything? Then what do you do?”
Amy: “That won’t happen.”
Dean: “How can you be so sure?”
Amy: “I can be sure because I can adjust.”
Dean: “How?”
Amy: “If people aren’t talking, it’s typically for one of two reasons. Either they don’t feel safe or the question is too hard.
Dean: “Interesting.”
Amy: “If the question is too hard, I can ask a simpler one. For example, instead of asking, ‘Why did this happen?’ I can ask, ‘What happened first?’
“If the question is easy enough and participants are still quiet, that indicates participants don’t feel safe. As the facilitator, I can help create a safe space for participants to open up. That’s how I’ll get to hear their uniquely creative and ingenious ideas.
Dean: “How do you create a safe space?”
Amy: “As a leadership team, we’ve been developing the cultural intelligence, right? [Dean nodded.] Cultural intelligence is compassion for another within their unique circumstances. That compassion gives you a choice as their leader to either try to demand they talk now or allow for their circumstances and give them options for how they share.
Dean: “How do I do that?”
Amy: “For example, the introverts, neuro-divergent thinkers and those who have been historically marginalized often appreciate having think time before they speak up.
“To give them think time, you can…
- Send out an agenda ahead of time so they know how to prepare.
- Ask them to write their answer on a post-it note. That way you already have the 100% engagement you’re actually seeking.
- Invite them to share the best way for them – aloud within the meeting or via email after the meeting.
- Ask an open-ended question and then count to 10 in your head. That slows you down and gives them think time to offer thoughtful answers.”
Dean: “Good to know.”
Amy: “May I ask you a question?” [Dean nodded.] What if you didn’t share at the beginning of the meeting but shared in the middle instead?”
Dean: “What for?”
Amy: “It can be tough for some employees to open up when the boss is in the room. Even though you’re a nice guy, the power you wield can be intimidating. What if you use your voice to empower your team members so they feel safe and seen? You can say something like, “Lois, I appreciate your idea. It sounds like you are developing a new pathway for the client. Did I get that right?” Then drop into silence and see what she says.
Dean: “That’s doable.”
Amy: “From our training, you’ll recognize the steps…
- Say their name – it’s affirming to hear your name.
- Paraphrase what was said – it demonstrates you’re really listening.
- Check your impact – it communicates you care about their experience.
“When you check your impact, you can say, ‘What was the impact of my words?’ Or ’How does that land on you?’ This last step not only communicates you care but also allows you to learn if you have a mutual understanding of the issue.
“So let me check, how does this idea land on you?”
Dean: I like it. I’ll do it.
What happened
At the next training, Dean didn’t speak first. He spoke up in the middle and followed the three steps. The colleague he affirmed smiled broadly. Then he did it two more times. Seeing the power of affirmation since then, Dean continues to hold his tongue and talks in the middle of the meeting, affirming and empowering his colleagues.
Conclusion
Sometimes a boss doesn’t realize how powerful they are and empowering they can be. When employees feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and ideas, organizations realize an increase in job satisfaction, employee engagement, and ultimately, improved retention rates. This translates into significant savings for organizations, as the cost of replacing a lost employee can range anywhere from 30% to 400% of their annual salary. Also, a study by the Harvard Business Review (HBR) found that companies with highly engaged workforces have a 25% lower rate of voluntary turnover compared to companies with low engagement levels. This is why 60% of CEOs in a January 2024 study said retaining and engaging employees is their top priority. They increasingly recognize the critical role of their people in driving business success.
If this article resonates with you, please share. Dr. Amy works with organizations and their leaders who want to be confident communicators so that they can attract, retain and engage diverse talent. To learn more about executive coaching, click for a free discovery call.
Photo credit: Belinda Fewings on Unsplash