In Darrell’s 25-year experience in corporate America as an African American, he’s found when a company’s leadership reflects the end-user, there is often an inclusive culture. Whereas, when the organization is predominantly homogeneous and simply wants to appear more diverse, there is a tendency to ask the few minorities for the “fix.” But these “fixes” don’t typically have much staying-power because when faced with tough decisions, it’s easier to default to what people already know. Darrell explained, “Despite all implied empathy, until you live with the day-to-day challenges of interaction with a group similar yet dissimilar to you, you don’t have to make inclusion a reality.”

By asking the people of color, women or those with disabilities for the ‘fix,’ we’re asking them to do even more work. As if they’re not already burdened by systemic problems that leave them regularly feeling sidelined or silenced. This suggests that whites (and those that identify with the majority culture) may not recognize the company’s dominant cultural characteristics that can actually leave us all, including whites, out in the cold. It’s important not to ask the minority people to do our work. Whites have work to do and being “nice” is not enough. Everyone in the organization needs to be more connected, allowing them to feel and be valued and thus contribute value to the company.

Why Diversity?

According to a recent study by McKinsey and Company (2017), companies with the most ethnic and cultural diversity on their executive team were 43% more likely to experience higher profitability. However, according to researchers Distefano and Maznevski in their article Creating Value with Diverse Teams in Global Management (2012), merely making an organization more inherently diverse can actually lower performance.

What’s an Organization to Do?

To increase performance within a team, corporations will need to build capacity for intercultural competence. Intercultural competence is the ability to shift cultural perspective and appropriately adapt behavior to both cultural differences and commonalities. This is accomplished through the intentional integration of identifying and establishing accurate commonalities (e.g. goals, needs, motivations, interests) for a shared experience in our organization. It also means identifying and valuing differences that can produce innovation (i.e. new ideas, practices and values) because culturally different perspectives and practices contribute to the life of an organization (Hammer, 2016).

The problem is, on average, 65.5% of people who take the Intercultural Development Inventory® (Hammer, 2016), have Minimization as their primary orientation. People of majority culture, in a multi-cultural society like the United States, tend to de-emphasize differences in order to maintain the status quo and avoid conflict. This creates a climate of conformity, which will not attract and retain top diverse talent. While minimization of differences can appear nice, it falls short. One of the most pernicious myths of majority culture is the belief that if we whites are nice we can solve the problems of systemic racism. While being nice is certainly valuable, it’s not enough. Niceness falls short when it isn’t coupled with an understanding of majority culture systems of power that silence and sideline all of us; hampering the collaboration, innovation and productivity companies seek.

As a majority culture in Minimization, we tend to:

1. Play down differences
2. Make assumptions about commonalities
3. Belittle the feelings and experiences of ourselves and others

A Solution: Use Regular Meetings to Connect

Leaders can challenge these majority cultural tendencies linked to Minimization. They can intentionally create conditions for people to share experience and be joined together.

Creating a culture that allows for vulnerability and high levels of trust builds connection. And for connection to take place, people will have to be real with one another (Cloud, Boundaries for Leaders, 2013). Leaders can use regular meetings to fuel connection. After ground rules for working together are established, the facilitator can begin a meeting by asking participants to “check-in” with each other and conclude by asking them to “check-out” with each other.

1.       Check-in—When people choose to share, voluntarily, they say whatever they need to say to be fully present, more connected and real. They may share their internal state or they may report progress on an interior goal. Or they might let the group in on something that is happening at home that is inevitably part of how they are “showing up at work” that day (Kegan & Lahey, An Everyone Culture, 2016). A leader can encourage vulnerability by asking:

• What’s happening in your world this week?
• What is a goal you have?
• What do you want to learn from someone else?

2.       Check-out—To summarize and encourage reflection, leaders can ask:

• What is everyone thinking but no one has had the courage to say yet?
• How did we do working together today that left us feeling either connected or disconnected?
• Did we live up to our team ground rules?
• What will help you be more effective this week?

Connection is the process by which people come to feel valued and thus, contribute value to the company. How people feel is important as a means to an end for more productivity, innovation and profit.  -Amy S. Narishkin, PhD

To attract and retain top talent from diverse backgrounds, leaders need to create a culture of safety and belonging for everyone. With a PhD in Adult Education, Amy works with CEO’s, management teams and those who take the lead in organizations to effectively implement the tools for intercultural competence. To learn the tools in our 6-session Corporate Workshop Series, contact Amy.

“Why do we have to talk about race?” Halina asked our book club group. No one in the group volunteered to answer and the subject was changed. We moved on but I could tell her question was genuine. After the meeting, I sat down next to her. “I’ve heard you ask that question before. Did you want an answer or were you just wondering aloud?”

Halina Conti is a foreign-born national, originally from Poland. She came to the U.S. with her family as a third grader. Because math is a universal language she did well in the subject. As immigrants, her family struggled to make ends meet. Today she is a financial advisor with Ameriprise, whose goal it is to help people find financial peace.

Halina: “I really do want an answer. My book of business is in North County and I don’t know why we would point out differences between groups.”
Me: “I can understand why you’d ask. Biologically there is no difference between so-called racial groups. We’re all human.”
Halina: “Exactly”
Me: “As a financial planner though, you know there is a significant financial discrepancy between whites and people of color.”
Halina: “True.”
Me: “Statistically speaking, race not only determines a person’s overall financial well-being but also income, education level, and mental and physical health and longevity. In the “For Sake of All” report, we learn that, in two St. Louis communities; just 9 miles apart, a child born in Clayton, MO can expect to live 18 years longer than a child born in North St. Louis. Because of that discrepancy we need to pay attention to race until we close that gap.”
Halina: (Thoughtful consideration)
Me: “Besides, to say, ‘I don’t see color,’ is like saying to a person, ‘I don’t see your experience.’ ‘I don’t see you.’ As a foreign-born national, your experience is quite unique. You know it hurts when a person minimizes your story or your experience. It’s the same for all of us.”
Halina: “You’re right. Each person’s story is unique. In my business, I have to really listen to people about their experience in order to help them meet their financial goals.”

To Be Known

By not recognizing a person’s race, Halina’s intent was to keep peace. However, the unintended consequence is that it makes a person feel invisible. The impact on an organization is that people of color and different backgrounds downplay their experience and ideas; stifling collaboration and innovation. To attract and retain people with different backgrounds, the people of majority culture can become aware of cultural characteristics that hinder productivity. One of the characteristics of majority culture, Tochluck explains in her book Witnessing Whiteness (2010), is that we feel we are the holders of knowledge, the expert. Although it’s unlikely we would intentionally dismiss a person of color or woman as essentially less knowledgeable, our unconscious bias can influence our behavior. Because we think of ourselves as the “knowers,” we inadvertently make ourselves the center of the conversation.

What We Can Do
We can:

• Center the other person in the conversation for a while
• Be a “learner” as well as “knower”
• Ask about people’s ideas and values
• Work to not call attention only to what “I think”
• Paraphrase what was just said
• Affirm the other person’s experience

Leadership & Lean Consultant, Cyril Narishkin suggests that a…
Leader can:

• Surround her or himself with diverse perspectives
• Notice who’s talking and who’s not talking
• Break the temptation of “group-” or “emperor-think”
• Be vulnerable enough to say, “I need your help,” and accept that help
• Have 1-to-1 meetings or roundtables with people on the front lines.
• Don’t race to a solution, search together to uncover the root causes

The goal is to provide opportunities for all our employees to feel visible and valuable within the organization. To reap the full benefit of having people with diverse perspectives, the corporation’s culture needs to allow each person to share their truth. By being aware of the cultural tendency to minimize difference, we can practice better listening and work toward embracing the unique voices and intriguing ideas that lead to a culture of belonging and innovation. -Amy Narishkin, PhD

Thank you, Halina for your willingness to learn and grow. Halina embraces the posture of “learner” and “knower” in her life’s work. Not only does she serve on the Greater North County Chamber of Commerce, she also gives her time teaching during April’s Money Smart St. Louis, an event working to increase access to financial education and asset building resources. She teaches: “Money Management for Women” and “Maximizing Social Security Benefits.”

Gabriela and I met for coffee together one morning before work. Gabriela Ramírez-Arellano is the Business Counselor for the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce of St. Louis. She told me the Hispanic Chamber offers resources for companies looking for Hispanic talent. And businesses often hire Hispanics because of their work ethic. “While we certainly help place cleaning ladies, welders and construction workers, we also help professional Hispanics find jobs too. In fact, most of the people connected with the Chamber are accountants, researchers, engineers and IT experts.”

With the current unemployment rate at 4.1% and a U.S. demographics shift toward people of color at 46%, employers will have to get comfortable hiring diverse people. The benefit is that those businesses will then appeal to a broader market. So I asked Gabriela, “If business leaders want to hire and retain Hispanic people, what do they need to know?”

Gabriela explained, “It’s important for business leaders to help employees integrate into the company culture, as well as value the diverse experiences and perspectives various cultural groups offer. Leaders can keep in mind the core values Hispanics hold dearly, including family, celebration of culture and a desire for self-improvement.” Gabriela and I discussed the following ideas for companies and their employees to be successful.

Clarify expectations. “Rather than just teaching a person how to do specific job tasks, it’s helpful for Hispanic employees to learn how to work in the new environment as well. More often than not, it’s the more subtle American majority cultural expectations that need to be made clear, like how to engage in networking, team building, emailing and just hanging out.” With team building, don’t take for granted that someone will take the initiative to speak up in a meeting or one-on-one conversation. An American majority culture manager or colleague can invite a person to share an idea or ask her what she thinks. If a person is particularly hesitant to speak up, give him the question ahead of time to think about an answer. Gabriela said, “A Hispanic employee may never have been asked before and need time to consider, ‘What do you want to do?’ You could also ask, ‘How would you handle that job?’” With emails, explain an email can go directly to the person for whom you have the question. You don’t have to ask the boss first.

Have signs and flyers in Spanish. Gabriela told me that she goes out of her way to go to a specific Bank of America because they have Spanish and English language signs. She goes to that branch because she loves seeing her language. When doing this, Gabriela recommends hiring a translator in order to use the correct words and not inadvertently offend people. One St. Louis-based organization that can help is AAA Translation.

Celebrate the histories, cultures and contributions of American citizens whose ancestors came from Hispanic countries. For events around Hispanic Heritage Month, from Sept. 15-Oct. 15, and Cinco de Mayo, Gabriela said, “Because it’s their heritage, it’s important that Hispanics plan and host these events. Even if it’s a business initiative, don’t leave the Latinos out of the planning.” Also, because the Hispanics are aware of the vast cultural variations in Latin America, they may be more mindful about stereotypes. “We have to be careful about our assumptions, even at the Chamber. All the Latinos at my work are from different Hispanic backgrounds so we have to navigate cultural nuances every day.”

Offer English classes on site. “Employers may not realize that when Hispanics don’t speak English, it can be hard on them. While they often want to learn, when both parents are working two to three jobs and taking care of children, it’s hard to find the time and money.” It’s helpful if an employer can provide English classes, for example, during the lunch break at work. This is to the company’s advantage too. When personnel are able to speak English, they are more confident as employees and more likely to share ideas for improvement. And while professional-level employees may already speak English, they still may need to learn the vocabulary of their particular industry.

Greet people. Gabriela told me that because relationships are significant in Hispanic culture, greetings are particularly important. Before talking about a task, say, “Hello!” or “Good morning, how are you?” Eye contact is important. And taking an interest in a person’s family is a great way to connect. Author Erin Meyers in her book, The Culture Map (2014), explains that on the “Trusting Scale,” Mexican culture tends toward being relationship-based; whereas, American culture tends to be task-based. In relationship-based culture, “…trust is built through sharing meals, evening drinks, and visits at the coffee machine.” In a task-based culture, “…trust is built through business-related activities. Work relationships are built and dropped easily, based on the practicality of the situation,” (Meyers, 2014). If a person does good work consistently, he or she is considered reliable, enjoyable and trust-worthy. Gabriela told me that another way to bridge this cultural difference is for a manager to extend personal invitations to a work event rather than just a general one.

I asked Gabriela, “How can a person of American majority culture learn more about the relationship-based cultures of Latin America?”

Gabriela explained that attending the Chamber’s monthly After Hours networking event is a great place to start. By attending, leaders and employers can:

• Meet professionals that help break down stereotypes,
• Hear stories of people from the distinct Latin cultures,
• Get to know fellow majority culture colleagues who already partner with the Chamber,
• Discover how to be even more effective and compassionate toward minorities, learning to navigate their new culture.

The Business After Hours networking event is held the third Thursday of every month, has no agenda, requires no commitment and is no cost. And bring a friend! The Chamber is made up of a welcoming group of people and love to have new people join in! -AN

Gabriela, thank you for taking the time to talk with me and share your wisdom and experience. Gabriela and I met serving on the Diversity & Inclusion Committee for the 2018 Midwest Women Business Owners’ Conference.

A new study from McKinsey and Co (2017) found that companies with most ethnic and cultural diversity on their executive team were 43% more likely to experience higher profitability. Diversity has two-dimensions; inherent diversity (skin color, gender, age) and acquired diversity (relationships, religion, education, travel, experience). However, according to researchers Joseph Distefano and Martha Maznevski (2012) in their article, Creating Value with Diverse Teams in Global Management, merely making an organization more inherently diverse can actually lower performance. So how does business effectively and compassionately capitalize on diversity? Andres Tapia in his TedTalk, Why Diversity is Upside Down, explains, “Greater diversity, when managed well, leads to greater productivity and innovation.” To manage diversity well, Tapia suggests we need to know about the majority culture, as well as minority cultures. It is by learning about our culture as well as the culture of others that we develop intercultural competence. To learn about ourselves as well as others, we’ll want to ally ourselves with people of different cultures.

Four Ways to Ally

1. Listen to experiences outside our own cultural identity. One of my first lessons was to realize my tendency to judge others. I wanted to offer a fix or answers for another person’s condition or situation. Now, I check my judgment at the door and work to be a learner rather than a knower, as illustrated in my blog, Leadership Upended. In his book, The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks says, “To prevent humiliating collisions with universe, I suggest we adopt an attitude of being open to learning in every moment of our relationships.” Adopting this posture of learning has not only enabled me to gain invaluable cultural understanding but also to listen deeply and affirm another’s experience. This, in turn, creates an environment of safety and belonging.
2. Be okay with making mistakes. In our majority culture, it can be hard to admit when we’re wrong or don’t know the answer. It can even be embarrassing. However, I’ve discovered that people give me grace when I’m willing to admit I don’t know something, need help understanding, or apologize when I’ve made a mistake. I’ve not yet come across a person who hasn’t wanted to help me learn. Now, I actually work to create space for conversations where mistakes are valued as learning opportunities. Without having to “get it all right,” we can be real with people about what we’re learning. For me, this has ignited opportunities for new friendships that I’ve not encountered before. At work, this creates a more collaborative and productive environment.
3. Have conversations about our majority culture in white spaces too. Expecting people of color to be the only ones speaking about racism or cultural differences is unkind, unfair and unjust. In the past, diversity-speak was learning about the “other” person’s culture. In a multi-cultural context, it’s about developing cultural self-awareness, as well as other-awareness. To create a culture of belonging in our organizations, it’s helpful to learn about majority cultural characteristics and their impact on minority people. Two books that helped me learn and talk about majority culture characteristics are Waking Up White by Debbie Irving and White Like Me by Tim Wise.
4. Become aware of bias and how it influences our thoughts and actions. In the book Blindspot, Hidden Biases of Good People the authors Mazharin Banaji and Anthony Greenwald (2013) explain, “Hidden biases are bits of knowledge about social groups. These bits of knowledge are stored in our brains because we encounter them so frequently in our cultural environments. Once lodged in our minds, hidden biases can influence our behavior toward members of particular social groups, but we remain oblivious to their influence.” Banaji and Greenwald tell us that of the 1.5 million people that have taken the Harvard Implicit Bias Test, 75% of the people, and that includes people of color, prefer white faces. That can be shocking, especially for those of us who consider ourselves to be egalitarian. However, while we can’t help having our bias, working together, we can outsmart it. Banaji and Greenwald suggest that one of the largest contributing factors to the relative disadvantages of the already disadvantaged groups in America is “in-group favoritism.” Knowing this, we can watch for opportunities, personally and professionally, to share resources and create structures that honor the people and talents of various groups.
   

In order for businesses to effectively and compassionately capitalize on diversity, we’ll want to stop suppressing our cultural differences and inadvertently allowing them to be obstacles in our work and relationships. Thus, in our growing multi-cultural society, developing majority cultural self-awareness is just as important as developing cultural other-awareness. Working together, we can effectively ally and continue to develop our intercultural competence for greater collaboration, innovation and profit. -AN

To attract and retain top talent from diverse backgrounds, leaders need to create a culture of safety and belonging for everyone. With a PhD in Adult Education, Amy works with CEO’s, management teams and those who take the lead in organizations to effectively implement the tools for intercultural competence. To learn the tools in our 6-session Corporate Workshop Series, contact Amy.

Prior to my work developing cultural self-awareness and intercultural competence, I didn’t realize how disconnected and isolated I felt. For the most part, I didn’t know how to be real with people and still feel safe. I had a connection problem. Now that I’m settled into this work, I see that I have the opportunity to be in authentic relationships like I’ve not encountered before. I get to experience deeper friendships both personally and professionally. Professionally, businesses hire me because they want to foster authentic connection within their employee group; and between their employees and customers. We’ve found this decreases disruption in the corporate environment and accelerates the speed at which people adopt a cross-cultural mindset; increasing collaboration, innovation, and profit. Teaching people the skills and heart for real relationships, they can demonstrate the care they intend to express, creating an environment of safety and belonging for everyone’s sake.

My growth became more evident to me when Pat Hawn, Vice President of Sales for Marketvolt-email marketing platform, said, “I’ve watched you grow this year. You’ve really found your voice.” I hadn’t realized Pat had been reading my blogs. This was particularly meaningful because it was due, in part, to his ready assistance that yours truly learned about online blogging.

2017 Blogs

Looking back through the year, here’s a recap of my growth chronicled in my favorite blogs of 2017:

1. Smaller: To come out of hiding and experience real relationships, I learned there are three steps. Author and professor, Marlon James was my inspiration for this blog.
2. When Silence Isn’t Golden: To counteract the disconnection and isolation that were prevalent in my cultural upbringing, entrepreneur Kim St. Clair helped me understand when silence doesn’t help.
3. Impact of Minimization: Our silence may be a symptom of our cultural tendency to minimize our differences. When I was trained to be a Qualified Administrator of the Intercultural Development Inventory ®, an assessment tool measuring intercultural proficiency, I learned how people of both majority and minority cultures tend to downplay our differences; decreasing corporate collaboration and productivity.
4. Do Our Monuments Inspire?: We all get caught up in minimizing our differences at one time or another. However, that leaves us unaware of our impact on others. As we accept and acknowledge people’s different feelings and responses, we can determine if our monuments, sacred cows and systems help or hinder business.
5. Don’t Ditch the Relationship: When a relationship gets hard, it may be tempting to just walk away. However, if a person is a colleague, customer or neighbor, ending a relationship may not be possible. To discover other options and potentially meaningful friendships, civil dialogue becomes necessary. In this blog, I explain the steps we can take to stay engaged.
6. Outsmarting Unconscious Bias: It is helpful to understand why we all can’t we all just get along. In my most recent blog, I explain how and why our bias can hinder us from noticing what gets in the way of developing meaningful relationships.
7. Leadership Upended: With awareness of those biases and assumptions, leaders can allow the true needs of current and potential employees and customers come to the surface. Our professional and personal relationships morph when we discover we both have something to learn.

What I Discovered

Adopting this posture of learning rather than knowing has enabled me to affirm the experience of another, even if the experience hasn’t been similar to my own. As a result, my cultural tendency to want to judge and fix other people has given way to curiosity and openness. And my need to be right has given way to a willingness to make mistakes and allow people to teach me. All of which has opened up the opportunity and freedom to develop new connections and unique friendships I’ve never before encountered. -AN

THANK YOU readers, friends, and colleagues for being the inspiration for my blogs this year. Your questions and wisdom are wonderful. I want to wish everyone opportunities to discover awesome new relationships, making it an even Happier New Year!

“Have you ever seen this test before?” my friend Julie asked in an email. She’d just completed the Harvard Implicit Association Test for cultural competency training. “I am shocked at how biased my results are.” she said.

When I saw her later in the day, she told me she had thought of herself as an open-minded person and couldn’t believe the extent to which she preferred white faces over Black faces. I told her I experienced the same surprise when I had taken the test a couple of years ago. Julie and I are not alone. Co-producers of the Implicit Association Test (IAT), Mahzarin Banaji and Anthony Greenwald explain in their book Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People (2013) that almost 75% of those who take the Race IAT on the internet or in laboratory studies reveal an automatic white preference. And for those who take the test and consider themselves egalitarian, the news is particularly distressing to learn that the Race IAT is a moderate predictor of racially discriminatory behavior.

Hidden Bias Defined

According to Banaji and Greenwald (2013), hidden biases are bits of knowledge about social groups. “These bits of knowledge are stored in our brains because we encounter them so frequently in our cultural environments. Once lodged in our minds, hidden biases can influence our behavior toward members of particular social groups, but we remain oblivious to their influence. Most people find it unbelievable that their behavior can be guided by mental content of which they are unaware.”

However, it is more believable when we consider researcher Daniel Kahneman’s (Thinking, Fast and Slow, 2011) explanation that there are two different ways the brain forms thoughts. He calls them System 1 and System 2 thinking. System 1 thinking is fast, automatic, frequent, judgmental, stereotypic, and subconscious. System 2 thinking is slow, effortful, infrequent, logical, calculating, conscious and reflective. The automatic System 1 thinking, that we all experience, has been shaped by the culture around us. Being repeatedly exposed to images in movies, news media, stories, jokes, etc. within our culture reinforces the automatic stereotype on a level of which we are not even conscious. As a product of our culture, we are not always aware of how our actions are influenced by the stereotypes presented within the culture. In fact, according Uta Frith of The Royal Society (2015), prejudice and discrimination are inevitable by-products of the efficiency of the automated System 1 thinking.

Frith (2015) explains that the ability to distinguish friend from foe helped early humans survive. The ability to quickly and automatically categorize people (using System 1 thinking) according to social and other characteristics is a fundamental quality of the human mind that helps give order to life’s complexity and keep us safe. So while we cannot help putting people into categories in the first place, where our power lies is in the second place. Once we are aware that unconscious bias exists in all of us and we see someone we perceive to be threatening, we can check to make sure we’re physically and emotionally safe. And if so, we can catch the bias of System 1 thinking and instead switch over to the slower more reflective System 2 thinking, and act more intentionally and, perhaps inclusively.

Can’t Fix It, but We Can Outsmart It

In their three-minute video, The Royal Society explains we can’t fix unconscious bias, we all have it. However, with self-awareness, we can begin to outsmart it. Banaji and Greenwald (2013) explain that outsmarting unconscious bias requires:

1. Awareness,
2. A desire to improve, and
3. A method for improving.

The Royal Society offers a method for improving. Frith (2015)  says there is no point in being defensive. We can never completely access our own unconscious cognitive processes, but we can achieve more fairness and improve the quality of our decision-making if we have a commitment to questioning cultural stereotypes. When preparing for a committee meeting or interview, we need to:

• Deliberately work to slow down our decision making
• Reconsider reasons for our decision-making
• Question cultural stereotypes that seem truthful
• Be open to seeing what is new and unfamiliar and increase your knowledge of other groups
• Monitor one another for unconscious bias. We may need to call out bias when we see it.

Clearly, we can’t outsmart unconscious bias alone. To create a culture of belonging where productivity and innovation thrive, we need to take intentional steps to become aware of the assumptions that are hidden to us. We can seek to improve by putting into place an action plan that enables us to begin noticing when bias is creeping in. Then we can address unconscious bias before it undermines our intention to be inclusive and inadvertently alienates our colleagues and customers. -AN

If you’d like to implement an action plan to outsmart unconscious bias in your company or organization, email me at [email protected].

“I don’t know, maybe it’s OK to end a relationship in order to stand up for what you believe in,” stated my friend Patte. Later that day, I found I was still thinking about her remark. I asked her what prompted the statement. She explained that she is a minority; a woman and a Jew. She was hoping that a friend of hers on Facebook would understand her feelings and denounce the neo-Nazi group that had protested in Charlottesville; instead the friend defended the group’s actions. Patte said to me, “Amy, can you imagine, people were wearing swastikas just a week ago!”

Whereas ending a relationship is one option, there are others. And if a person is a colleague, customer or neighbor, ending a relationship may not be possible. To open up other options, civil dialogue is necessary.

Patte was hurt. About this friend, Patte said, “This is a statement about her character. She couldn’t even take a second to hear what I had to say. She only defended herself.” Patte only wanted her friend to hear her out and acknowledge her experience. Had the friend done so, Patte probably wouldn’t have decided her friend had a character flaw.

Three Possible Responses

However, the friend probably wasn’t lacking in character but more likely lacking the skills necessary for staying in productive dialogue. Whether it is online or in-person, when someone says something hurtful, there are three possible responses:

1. Passive – remain silent, which suggests that you agree with what was said;
2. Aggressive – lash out with a counter attack; or
3. Assertive – affirm the other person’s experience or feelings and set boundaries.

An assertive message may sound like, “I’m hurt by what you said. You’re important to me so I don’t want to lash out. I need to take space to let my heart heal. We can talk at a later time.”

My sister, Social Media Expert Anne Collier, told me that this can be said online or in-person. However, she suggested that it may be best to say this in a direct message so it does not look like a public rebuke. Both in person and on social media, a one-on-one message encourages further dialogue.

Three Steps We Can Take

In order to encourage civil dialogue, it’s important to:

1. Acknowledge that our colleague or neighbor may have another perspective or experience, even if it’s different from our own;
2. Accept the difference without judgment – the differences just are, without being right or wrong or good or bad;
3. Act by affirming the other person’s experience, though not your own. This is done through active listening, a skill defined in my previous blog. Active listening does not indicate agreement, just understanding. And it’s through deep listening that we learn others’ stories and may discover common interests or concerns that are the basis for dialogue.

Questions that Promote Self-awareness

Civil discourse is the foundation for any productive personal or professional relationship. Before my friend, Pastor AmyRuth Bartlett, enters into what she perceives as a tricky conversation, she reflects on these questions:

• Am I safe with this person?
• Do I want to have compassion for this person?
• Am I frustrated with him or her or someone else, in a way that I might take it out on the person?
• Am I looking for a Higher Power to show up and open doors to give me clarity and wisdom?
• Am I willing to have a conversation that goes nowhere?

These questions reveal a level of self-awareness that is essential if we are going to enter into productive dialogue that can potentially build truer, long-term relationships. Although initially hard because of the vulnerability we may feel, a willingness to learn and be open provides an opportunity for new and deeper relationships that we may not have ever experienced before.

In work and personal relationships, productivity and enjoyment are lost when there is an inability to have civil dialogue. Passively ignoring or tolerating people and systems may seem like the right thing to do in the short term, but we have to wonder if resentment toward this person or system is quietly building up over time, causing us to sacrifice peace, enjoyment and productivity. If so, we can step into the waters of civil discourse, which may lead to a better collaboration and innovation, and even more meaningful friendship. -AN

To attract and retain productive people, leaders need to create a culture of safety and belonging. With a PhD in Adult Education, Amy works with CEO’s, management teams and those who want to take the lead in organizations to effectively implement the tools for cultural competency, collaboration, and innovation. To increase client diversity and workplace productivity, profit and personal job satisfaction, contact Amy

“The $350,000 would be better spent on education. Why is the City of St. Louis spending so much to pull down a confederate statue in Forest Park?” Linda’s protest echoed that of others around the city and country. That morning my daughter Abby had sent me a link to the “Special Address” given by New Orleans’ Mayor Mitch Landrieu just hours before city workers removed the statue of General Robert E. Lee. “…for a long time, Landrieu explained, even though I grew up in one of New Orleans’ most diverse neighborhoods, even with my family’s long proud history of fighting for civil rights … I must have passed by those monuments a million times without giving them a second thought.”

Landrieu hadn’t thought about the impact of such statues. It wasn’t until a friend asked him to consider the monuments from the perspective of an African American mother or father trying to explain to their fifth grade daughter who Robert E. Lee is and why he stands atop New Orleans. “Can you look into that young girl’s eyes and convince her that Robert E. Lee is there to encourage her? Do you think she will feel inspired and hopeful by that story? Do these monuments help her see a future with limitless potential? Have you ever thought that if her potential is limited, yours and mine are too?”

We all get caught up in traditions without being aware of their impact on others. For example, in your business, what historical “monuments,” sacred cows, systems and values are discouraging productivity and innovation? What systems leave employees feeling diminished or disenfranchised? Do you know what they are? How can you find out?

What did Mayor Landrieu do? 

Landrieu accepted the fact that these monuments were not an inspiration to all who stood in their shadows. In fact, he acknowledged in his speech, “These statues are not just stone and metal. They are not just innocent remembrances of a benign history. These monuments purposefully celebrate a fictional, sanitized Confederacy; ignoring the death, ignoring the enslavement, and the terror that it actually stood for.”

By acknowledging that some of his constituents were left feeling diminished and discouraged, he was able to act and knew it was, “…going to be tough, but you elected me to do the right thing, not the easy thing, and this is what that looks like.”

What can we do? 

We can:

1. Acknowledge that our colleagues and customers may have another perspective or experience, even if it’s different from our own;
2. Accept the difference without judgment (the differences just are, without being right or wrong or good or bad);
3. Act according to what’s best for everyone involved, not only the majority. Some of our “monuments” silence people or make them feel trapped. Watch for opportunities to listen to others’ stories and find out how many others feel that way. That may reveal systems or long-held traditions that are not serving the greater good of our business or organization.

If we do not accept the fact that people have different perspectives, feelings and experiences, we shut down the opportunity to learn. That leaves us unaware of the impact of our actions and words on others, destroying possibilities for authentic working relationships. However, if we accept and acknowledge peoples’ different responses to our “monuments,” we can problem solve together, and reap the benefits of more productivity, collaboration and innovation.

What did the City of St. Louis do? 

The City of St. Louis did not ultimately pay to take down the statue in Forest Park. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports the Missouri Civil War Museum paid for the removal and relocation of the monument. Like Landrieu, we do not deny our history, but place the monument within its historical context. By so doing, we are reminded to reconsider the “monuments” we cherish in both our public spaces and private sectors and ask if they serve as an inspiration to all impacted. -AN

To attract and retain productive people, leaders need to create a culture of safety and belonging. With a PhD in Adult Education, Amy works with CEO’s, management teams and those who want to take the lead in organizations to effectively implement the tools for reconciliation, collaboration, and innovation. To increase client diversity and workplace productivity, profit and personal job satisfaction, contact Amy

After the shooting death of Philando Castile during a traffic stop, award-winning author Marlon James took his frustration about racism in Minnesota to Facebook. In an essay, Smaller, and Smaller, and Smaller, James noted, “You will never know how it feels to realize that it doesn’t matter how many magazine articles I get, [books I publish], or which state names a day after me. Tomorrow when I get on my bike, I am big black guy, who might be shot before the days end, because my very size will make a cop feel threatened.”

His story of vulnerability has since gone viral and prompted an interview with National Public Radio. About Minnesota’s culture James explained, “What I see here is a lot of what I call the dude-I-don’t-see-color problem. The problem being colorblind, the problem being, I don’t think about race – is that you never see the absence of it.” In a society where we never actually have an absence of race, and yet say we are colorblind, we make people feel small and invisible when we downplay their struggles. To some of us, playing down our differences may appear kind, but James points out that this approach is not working. In fact, his life is at stake.

This interview was brought to my attention by a CEO, a client of Empowering Partners. Having just taken the Intercultural Development Inventory (IDI), an assessment tool that reveals an organization or individual’s developmental stage of cultural proficiency, she recognized that James was objecting to the minimization of peoples’ experience and feelings. Considering that 65% of people that take the IDI assessment are found to be in the stage of Minimization (noted in previous blog The Impact of Minimization), this is a problem we all have to work to solve.

Minimization Defined

Minimization is one of the five stages of intercultural competence. The stages are:

1. Denial (misses differences);
2. Polarization (judges differences);
3. Minimization (de-emphasizes differences);
4. Acceptance (deeply comprehends differences); or
5. Adaptation (bridges across differences).

People at the stage of Minimization, minimize cultural differences and focus on the commonalities. The IDI assessment developer, Dr. Mitch Hammer explains that people of majority culture tend to de-emphasize differences in order to maintain the status quo and avoid conflict. Whereas people of minority cultures de-emphasize differences in order to get along, fit in and minimize risk.

Steps We Can Take

Ultimately, if we want to avoid conflict and minimize risk, we must acknowledge our different histories, experiences and feelings. This work may sound trivial but without it our unconscious bias stays in the dark. Ignorance of our bias allows lives to be threatened.

Seeing our own unconscious bias for the first time, can make us feel uncomfortable.  In fact, we may feel:

1. Exposed, which leads to,
2. Fear, and that makes us want to,
3. Hide behind our commonalities.

However, if we are willing to come out of hiding behind minimization, feel the fear, and share our vulnerability, we have a connection point with another human being. James’ essay is our example. He felt his fear and invited his readers to share in his vulnerability. It was there we could connect with his humanity. No one is small or invisible at this point of connection.

In the interview, James reminds us, “…to a huge extent, mainstream Americans, white Americans have a big role to play.” If we do this work of acknowledging our different histories, experiences, and feelings, as well as our common humanity, perhaps we can become collectively more aware of the bias that belittles our African American brothers and sisters and consequently threatens their lives.

Collective Work

So to the CEO’s point: minimization isn’t working. Encouraging her team to share their stories and learn one another’s similarities and differences, allows them to come together on a personal level. When people feel safe and included (not small and invisible) productivity and innovation blossoms. A company can then hire even more people from diverse backgrounds, bringing about further innovation and market reach.

A recent participant of the IDI assessment and trained in cultural compentency, said, “Now I listen and hear people out before I draw conclusions, rather than just going on my assumptions. When we get to know people, I’ve learned we actually have the same issues and can share ideas with each other.” Another participant explained that she had gotten so caught up in just the day to day of running the business that she’d forgotten to see things through the eyes of her employees. Once she slowed down, really sat and listened to her staff, she saw noticeable improvement in their productivity. In particular, one young man was able to not let the small stuff get to him, and get more work done.

Marlon James has called for a change. He and others don’t want or need to feel small or threatened. As uncomfortable as recognizing our differences may be initially, that is exactly the role we can all play to expose unconscious bias and to build safer, more productive work environments.

Thanks to Pastor AmyRuth Bartlett for helping me understand the three steps we can take to come out of hiding from real relationships.