So that kids can learn about diversity from their parents (rather than the media), below are conversation starters based on Disney’s Zootopia. My own kids and I developed these together. 

Our story: Because movie theaters are so expensive for a big family, we Narishkin’s usually wait until the movie comes out on DVD. During our recent spring break though, I broke down. I took the kids to see Zootopia. They were thrilled that I was actually taking them into a theater. And we loved the show! That is, until after the show. I started asking questions about the prejudice the animals had experienced in their mammal metropolis, Zootopia.

Being a social justice educator and facilitator, I just couldn’t pass up on the teachable moment. As my kids and I unpacked different parts of the movie, I started recording the questions we were wondering about. Although my kids may never want to go to a movie with me again, we did manage to have a great discussion.

During our discussion, we talked about how the assumptions we hold about others can make us feel or think other people are less than they are. I was hoping my kids would know that because I have thought deeply about racial prejudice. Brigitte Vittrup, associate professor of child development in her article says, “Silence about race removes the opportunity for children to learn about diversity from their parents and puts it in the hands of media and misinformed peers. Television, movies, and video games are full of stereotypes, and over time children pick up on these.” Vittrup goes on to explain that, “Without discussion about the errors in these portrayals and a conscious effort to expose them to counter-stereotypical examples, children will unwittingly adopt these images as pieces of evidence of how the world is supposed to be, and these pieces become a breeding ground for prejudice.”

These questions, based on Zootopia, are designed to spur inquiry, not to arrive at right answers. They are meant to help make sense of concepts and ideas that are initially puzzling and confusing and culminate in new perspectives and empathy. If a child can’t answer a question, she or he probably needs an easier question first. So these conversation starters are set up to move the discussion from concrete to more abstract ideas. Rather than use them as a script, find a starting point where a majority of the children can engage and carry the discussion forward. I’d love to hear about what you learn together. -ASN

Our questions:

1. What job did Bunny always want to do from the time she was a little bunny?
2. Why did some folks discourage Bunny from being a police officer?
3. By pursuing her desire to be a police officer, how did Bunny experience prejudice?
4. How was Bunny able to overcome the prejudice and be a police officer?

1. When the Fox wanted to be a scout as a young one, what did the other kids do to him?
2. Why did the kids act that way?
3. What kind of individual did the Fox become as an adult?
4. How did the racism* (or prejudice) that Fox experienced as a young one impact him as an adult?

1. What did Bunny say to the press about Predators?
2. How did Fox show he was hurt by what Bunny said to the Press?
3. Why do you think Fox was hurt?
4. Although she may not have intended it, how were Bunny’s words be an example of racism?*

1. What was the name of the flower that Sheep was using to make the blue bombs?
2. Why did Bunny and Fox think that the Night Howler was an animal?
3. How did the Bunny and Fox’s assumption get in the way of their investigation?
4. How did their assumption hurt others?
5. How was Sheep actually more savage than the Predators that were locked up?
6. How was Sheep using racism* to her own benefit?

*Racism – the belief that all members of a race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that group (Webster)

Today I had lunch with a black colleague with whom I had done some educational consulting work earlier in the year. The company she worked for had recently let go of a fellow black colleague who expressed anger over racism in a small group. My friend was discouraged by how her colleague had been treated.

Although I felt helpless, I chose to listen alertly as she told me her story. She seemed to me to be grieving. Her colleague, a young black female, was pushed out of the organization based on the testimony of a white male boss who stated that the young woman had behaved completely out-of-line. My friend acknowledged that the young woman had indeed expressed anger, but the boss didn’t seem to have taken into consideration that this young woman’s experience needed to be affirmed and not denied.

My friend seemed to me, to be resigned to the situation and went on to explain that she was dropping to part-time position with her company. I wondered why she didn’t want to fight back or at least speak up. As a mature veteran in our profession, she had gained more credibility than the young woman carried, and I couldn’t figure out why she wouldn’t use her status to be an advocate for change. I thought to myself that if I were in her shoes, I would not have hesitated to express my frustration. I wondered if it was because she is older and tired and black. I wondered if there was a way I could stick up for her and be an ally.

Then she told me why she was dropping back to part-time work, to do missionary work for her church. She told me that the way her young colleague had been treated was the company’s problem, not hers. God would take care of the problem in His time, she said. She trusted that fact. I asked her if that was why she wasn’t outwardly objecting to what was happening in the company. She said yes and that being a peace-maker is one of the creeds of her church. She felt it was important to serve in a place where she knew she could be effective and have influence rather fight an organization which was not ready to grow.

By her wisdom, I found myself humbled. I realized that she knows best about the organization in which she works. She didn’t need me to rescue her. She didn’t need me to fix her or the situation. I saw that my majority cultural tendency to save and fix were not ultimately helpful. In fact, my first inclination to deeply listen and affirm her experience was, in fact, what I really needed to do.  She knew what she was doing all along. It wasn’t until I got past my assumptions that I discovered her wisdom in following her heart and her God. This was yet another reminder that not fixing, but listening and learning, is what I need to do.

Kim and I met for coffee. We put our heads together. She wanted to sell her product within minority communities; I wanted to learn how to communicate my service. Her product helps adults learn how to get out of debt and manage money and offers churches and schools a curriculum for youth. She didn’t know how to reach people other than those of her own white middle class background. As she spoke, I was affirming about the product she offered and the enthusiasm she expressed.

I then asked, “While you know this product is a proven solution for people within your own circles, do you know for sure if it’s effective with minority folks?” She wasn’t sure. I pointed out until we ask, we won’t know. She asked how that might work.

I suggested she might, for example, reach out to a church secretary in a community near her home. Kim could ask if he or she has 15 minutes to hear about a program that might be helpful to church members. I told Kim she could point out that she is white, not of the community, and needs to learn whether or not the program is a good fit.

Kim was shocked, “I can say I’m white?” I told her we whites are usually the only ones that hesitate to point out our race. Folks of color have to think and talk about race every day so they typically aren’t shocked and may even be grateful.

I explained one of the characteristics of majority white culture in the U.S. is a problem-and-solution orientation. We perceive a problem and want to offer a solution. The intention is good; however, the impact can actually hurt.

It hurts when folks of majority white culture offer a solution and haven’t taken the time to listen. It feels like an imposition, rather than a help. And then if the solution doesn’t work, it’s disappointing for everyone. So if a person really wants to “help,” he or she needs to take the position of learner, rather than teacher. To build trust across ethnic lines, it works best if a person of majority culture is willing to listen and learn, to follow the lead of the established leadership.

Kim pointed out she’s not good at listening. I suggested she may not good at listening yet. Like me, she can learn. I told her that Pastor Sims and I are teaching skills for reconciliation, like Active Listening, at our monthly events called Courageous Conversations, and she’d be welcome to join us.

Satisfied she knew her next step, Kim changed the subject. Together we realized what I had just showed her is what I do as an Inclusion consultant, I come alongside and empower people with the skills and heart to reach a broader market, to overcome barriers and build effective relationships. We’re all learning together. -AN

A friend invited me to talk with her Bible Study group. This group of white women wanted to unpack concepts humility and meekness in the light of recent racial tension. One participant asked, “Why not ‘All Lives Matter’ instead of Black Lives Matter?” As she asked her question, I recalled that reconciliation between people is not head-work but heart-work. Facts and figures may answer a question but they don’t help us discover empathy and understanding. 

I said, “I bet that there are others with that same question.” She thought so. I asked, “Do you think your question reflects the idea that we all want to matter?” She nodded. I said, “The Black Lives Matter movement can make us wonder if ‘others’ might become more important than us.” She said, “Yeah, that’s it.” Then it occurred to me then to write three words on the white board:

Assimilation    Celebration   Integration 

I pointed out that these words are a way to visualize a developmental trajectory of our society. I explained that after World War II and until the 1960’s, our culture was based on Assimilation. Individuals and groups adopted the ways of the larger or dominant culture. After the Civil Rights Movement, our society began to recognize or Celebrate the contributions of minority cultures. And since the tragedies of Ferguson and the like, we are headed toward an integrated multi-cultural society. In an Integrated society, all types of people work together as a unit, sharing resources and power. 

In light of those definitions, I suggested she consider the history of American-born African Americans whose families have been here for generations, how they were brought to the U.S. and have been treated for the past 400 years. I said, “Perhaps Black Lives Matter is about a people who just want to matter, really for the first time in American history. We don’t necessarily have to agree with what the Movement is doing, but can we empathize with the desire to matter? Can our hearts be broken open enough that we can see such a tragic history and the pain it has caused?” She wondered aloud, “Perhaps they just want to matter as much as the rest of us?” Then she changed the subject and I knew it was resolved in her mind… for now. -ASN